Puppies at Education Gateway

I went to see an old friend of mine whose wife owns a school near the University. Towards the end of the night we saw the dog that normally sleeps by the front door. She was heavily pregnant, so we knew it was only a matter of time before she popped. That night she was breathing heavily and convulsing. Niels thought she was going into labour but I drew on my previous experience with Suzy (the husky) that normally dogs find their own personal space and are not sociable for a couple of days. After waiting half an hour I said to him I doubted she was going to have puppies and he should not worry about it.

It’s a good job I’m not a vet…

Yep, the next day she had 10 healthy puppies, and a look of “Did you see? Did you see what I did?” spread across her face. So we spent the Sunday checking up on her every hour or so…

Wait, Why were you visiting this Niels fellow?

I was visiting that Niels fellow because he said he was going to help me print a couple of my books, so when I meet people who sounded interested I could give them a copy of my book to read, and afterwards spread it around like an STD…

Lovely…

Well there’s that, and I can give a copy to people either in the marketing sector or people who feel they could make money from it and have better connections than me. In today’s society all it takes is one person to say they love something and it can snowball. And I can make a mean snowball (The drink AND the weapon…)

Erm… OK. What about the other book you claim to be publishing?

I’m still waiting on the editor and the girl that does my book covers. My old editor has gone back to America and I have no way of paying her unless I decide to stress myself out in terms of learning about international bank transfers, so I got a new editor. Unfortunately he is taking a long time and has already cost me double what I expected to pay, and I haven’t even seen the final product yet. Hopefully it’s worth the money, but I won’t find out until I see it.

First world problems… How’s life other than that?

It’s good. I’m leaving Thailand soon so I feel nervous because I haven’t travelled in a while. I know once I start I’ll be fine, but I’m in that transitional stage at the moment and I don’t know how to feel. I’m not used to not having an income so I’m hyper aware of any money I spend.

I also went out with a friend of mine called Diana. She rang me up and said, “Hey cousin, want to go bowling?” In Roman’s accent from GTA 4. I accepted and threw a few heavy balls down a shiny line. We played three games and I won all three. NO MERCY!!!!

Later on that evening I got a message from a friend of mine called Lena (who I actually named a character after in the book ‘Destiny’) asking if she and her boyfriend could take me out to dinner before I left. I didn’t want them to pay for me but one of the downsides of dramatically quitting your job with no plan B is that you don’t really have a source of income. So I reluctantly let them pay. It was a great meal; a great meal with great people. People who in truth I’m going to miss…

So to sum up the life of Lewis; No book yet, maybe this week. I have a book in the form of a print out that I’ve been looking at, reading and smiling as I do so for the last few days, and I caned a Kazakh girl at bowling. No biggie. Tune in next week for most likely more emotional goodbyes…

2 Days of Lukas and a ‘Roh’ cameo…

Erm… What?

Being a teacher in Asia for so long, you meet people who then go back to their own country. Then said people come back because they miss certain parts of the country they lived in. I know, I’m feeling a bit of nostalgia towards Italy now, especially since I know i’m heading towards that direction soon. Anyway, so Lukas came back to Thailand and asked if anyone was about. I wanted to hide from him because I secretly don’t like him, but he cornered me and asked if I wanted to go out with him. I had a choice; either tell him that the pure sight of him makes me want to shit on my hand and wipe it over his face, or smile, say ‘Kap…’ and go out with him. I chose the latter…

Oh… NO, NUMBNUTS! I meant what’s a Roh cameo?

Oh… Well, it’s a cameo, from Roh…

Great!… Question 2: Who is Roh?

Roh is a teacher who has lived here as long as I have. His full name is ‘Rogelio’ which I think is a perfect name for an R’n’B star. He actually raps in his spare time and I think has released a couple of songs. I don’t know if he uses that as his rap name but if he changes it I want royalties…

Make your own royalties loser! Like from your books!

Speaking of which I feel I’m ready to write my seventh book. I’m not rushing anything but I’m itching to get going. I’m going to be sensible and rest my brain at least until I start travelling. I don’t want a repeat of last time and being so tired that I literally couldn’t hear people…

I stopped reading when you said ‘seventh book’..

Well, I’m hoping to publish my fourth one on Amazon at the end of this month. My sister came up with the name; it’s going to be called ‘Talk To Me’ and is about a guy who is painfully shy around girls, and forces himself to talk to a girl for at least five minutes every day for a month. It normally goes horrendously bad, but it leads to some pretty interesting and sometimes hilarious situations. Click here if you want to learn more about it, including reading the first few paragraphs for free before it has even been published…

Spammer…

Well if no one knows about it they can’t read it and enjoy it can they? As long as you know you are pushing a good product you shouldn’t feel guilty to guide the masses towards it. That’s what Niall, a friend of mine always says anyway…

So… This is going to be pointless links from now on isn’t it?

OK, I get the hint; I’ll stop.

Good. Get back to The Lukas and Roh story!

Oh yeah I completely forgot about that! So, I met up with Lukas and after playing a few games of pool me, him and a couple of his Thai friends went bowling together. Lukas and his girl were called ‘Team Winning’ and me and the other girl were called ‘Team Bean’ (Her name was Pean, but I thought she said ‘Bean’, so I proceeded to call her ‘Bean’ all the time. I only found out when she wrote ‘Pean’ as her name on the screen at bowling…

Team Bean Vs. Team Winning

Lukas was getting more strikes than a London underground tube station, whereas I was steadily getting the spares. On my last go I held my nerve and got a strike, followed by a spare, meaning that collectively we won 201 points to 182. GO TEAM BEAN!!! Er, I mean Pean…

The next night we went to a bar called ‘Sangdee’ where Roh likes to rap and everyone watches him rap saying ‘I could do better…’ before shitting themselves when they realize that it’s an open mic policy and one of the other rappers hands a microphone to them…

Roh was on form. At one point even Lukas showed us that he could spit a few bars. The others then assumed that by association I could rap too. Handing me the microphone saying ‘Your turn…’ I recoiled in horror saying I’d never done it before. Roh and Lukas then told them ‘Nah… He’s a writer, he’ll be good at it.’

“Thanks fuckers…”

From left to right: Roh, Me, and Lukas

I reiterated that I had no idea what I was doing, thinking that by their logic James Patterson would run rings around Eminem in a rap battle. In the end they stopped persisting, I’m not going to lie I was VERY relieved,…

Cool story bro…

Ta muchly;

And that’s it! I’ve literally just got back from teaching a weekend in Lampang, which I will write a blog post about soon. Other than that I’m done! I’ll see ya when I see ya…

A pic of Roh and Lukas, where I forgot to put the flash on…

My fellow bloggers, I’m afraid I haven’t been entirely truthful with you….

Indeed I did have professional platonic relations with my work that was inappropriate…

So yeah; I’m back at work. One of the receptionists called me and said that if I didn’t go back they would cancel my work permit, and since I am approximately 1-2 months away from completing my latest bad boy I reluctantly caved in to their demands.

On the plus side (depending on how you want to look at it…) I’ve had quite a few nights out recently. My liver has not thanked me, but at least I’m doing something other than staring at my computer all night every night at the moment.

On Friday I went out with my friends Keni and Jamie (the one’s that got married an couple of weeks ago) and got McPlastered. We began the afternoon doing various boring errands. Then we randomly went to a snooker hall and showed the people there why we don’t represent England on the professional circuit. After that we went to a bar in the tourist area and played some pool, since when you transition from a snooker table to a pool table playing pool seems embarrassingly simple. At 11 o clock we decided it was time to retire until just before we got back I happened to mention to Keni that one of the cute girls that lived in our apartment owned the bar we had just passed. Before you could say “I did, I did, I did see a pooty cat!” Keni spun the bike around and we had a few more drinks of the alcoholic variety there. We went to bed at roughly 2AM.

The next day was Sasha and Harrison’s last day in sunny old Chiang Mai, and we planned on bowling the night away like last time. Unfortunately someone rented out the entire bowling alley so we stared disapprovingly at them for half an hour before going to a bar in Nimman (the posh area) to say Ciao. And we did! We also played pool and talked about our best dance moves. The final goodbye was emotional, but at the same time I was happy for them because they were going on to do better things. I’m looking forward to seeing them in America when I do my world travel trip.

And finally Sunday was Liverpool Lee’s birthday, so he invited me out to dinner with him, his wife and a few of our friends. The food was orgasmic….I’m lying, it was OK. I was faking my climax… The night out was really good though. I enjoyed their company and i’m looking forward to the next one.

Oh and one final thing to end with; I’m now 80,000 words into my latest book. That’s almost double the amount of words I put in my previous books. I still have a lot more to put into this one as well. The feedback I have gotten from this one so far is positive, but of course I’m still a bit nervous to see what these people think when it’s finished.

Bowling

Sasha had a birthday, so like all people in their mid 20’s we thought bowling would be the best place to go, rather than get drunk and moan about how our lives haven’t gone quite to plan yet… So i threw my hat in the ring and said i was ready to bowl! I made sure i had a list of excuses ready, such as having a dodgy wrist, not playing in years and the simple fact that i was shite at the game.

Thirteen(ish) people showed up, so we split the lanes and went into four separate groups. I was in the group of men. But not just any men; manly men. So i took a sip of my mineral water and got myself ready for ‘Beast Mode’.

Harrison named himself ‘Sweet Justice’. Shouting “SWEET JUSTICE!” every time he got a strike or a spare. A guy called…Actually i can’t remember his name, i want to say Dom, I remember he was from Hackney though, so because of that his new name is ‘Harry from Hackney’. Anyway Harry from Hackney called himself Confucius, and Jonny got called ‘Jonmy’ because the Thai guy registered his name wrong. Then they handed the piece of paper to me and Harrison, AKA Sweet Justice, said to me, “Be creative, Lewis!” Thus, ‘Creative Lewis’ was born…..

Here is the picture of our final scores in the second game. I lost the first one so i felt no need to display that. No, in all seriousness i was surprised that i got so many points, so i wanted proof that it happened. I even managed to tie!

As you can see from the pictures the bowling alley had blue tinted lights that looked pretty cool. I had an luminous pink bowling ball, because i’m in touch with my feminine side. Also that picture of the Thai girl’s bum whilst bowling was purely coincidental, but if any male asks i’ll stick out my chest and pretend i meant it…

So overall it was a fun night. And more importantly, Sasha had fun. After all, it WAS her birthday. At around 12 o clock we all retired to our respective boudoirs and contemplated what was going to be in store for us the following day. 180 baht (just under four pounds) for a night out with my friends, you can’t argue with that. Plus i managed to bag a selfie with a random hot Thai girl! Well, the picture isn’t very clear, but take my word for it…..