Why are Thai people so friendly?

Err…. Is that a rhetorical question? 

Last week i’d just finished work and pulled in to a place called Tippanet Market. It’s not really a market as such, but there are lots of restaurants there and there is a massive outdoor shop where you can buy bits and bobs. Just as i went to park my bicycle by one of the shops i saw a motorbike fly around the corner of a small estate that usually consists of Burmese immigrants and hill tribe people. I thought to myself, “Wow, she’s going fast!” Just as i finished thinking that she was no less than 10 metres away from me and she looked like she was going to go straight through me. I leant towards the bike and braced for impact. I’m not exaggerating when i say she was going about 40 miles an hour, although she did brake before she hit me so it is possible that she hit me at 35. There was no way that she hit me at 30 or under!

Go on then, what did you break?

Nothing. I can’t tell you why or how, but i know my bike went flying further than i did and i can only assume that because i leant in, my bike took the brunt of the impact and from that the bike flew a lot further than i did, it saved me from much worse injuries. The girl and her motorbike ended up going further than me and i surprised to see her on the other side of me when we both ended up in a crumpled up heap on the floor.

Where do Thai people come into this? You’ve only talked about yourself!

Well, around 15 people came out to see if i was OK. My first reaction was, “I’m fine, is she OK?” I was also in a small state of shock, so i was trying to process what was going on whilst all the commotion was happening. Once my initial shock subsided my wrist started to ache, and i mean really hurt. My bike, although it looked unscathed on the surface, didn’t work at all. The seat was facing the wrong way and the wheels wouldn’t turn. I thought “Fuck! This is going to cost me a bomb!” Then all the males jumped in and fixed my bike for me. Well, as well as the average person can do. 

Did it cost you a lot of money?

That’s the thing; i wasn’t sure what to do. I knew exactly what to do in England, but every country does things differently and everyone seemed to be looking at me to see what move i was going to make next. The girl kept saying that she needed to go to work but i didn’t want to let her go in case my wrist was broken and i never saw her again. I’ve heard all the stories that the foreigner has to pay for all the damages because they are the foreigner so i was reluctant to start asking for money. Instead i rang my friend who speaks much better Thai than me, and hadn’t just been rammed by a motorbike. He told me to do the same as you would back home; get her information and deal with it at a later date.

I went to the hospital the next day and found out it wasn’t broken. I knew it wasn’t because i could move it a little bit, but i wanted to make sure just in case. Then i went to the bike shop to get my bike fixed. The first thing the guy said was “Did you get any money off her?” I didn’t want any money off her. Besides the fact that she is probably quite poor anyway, it wasn’t as if she was pretending she had done nothing wrong. She was remorseful and very apologetic. He asked if she was going to pay for the bike and i didn’t give him a straight answer, simply because i wasn’t sure what to do. So he asked if i wanted him to speak to her since my Thai is abysmal at best. Once he was off the phone he told me that she was on the way, and she kept saying “NO POLICE!” So she probably didn’t have insurance.

She paid for the bike with no fuss. She was very friendly about it too. She was limping because she ripped her toenail off in the crash which i saw and was trying to point out to everyone but they were ignoring it. Maybe it was a loss of face to acknowledge the injury. It’s not my culture so i’m not even going to pretend to know what i’m talking about.

What about work?

Obviously i’m off work until it heals. It’s my right wrist and i’m right handed so it’s pointless to keep putting pressure on it or it’ll never heal! I rang my boss and told her what had happened and she was fine about it. Then her husband rang me back and said “What did you do?” In a comical tone. He also kept stressing that if there was anything they could do all i had to do was ask. It wasn’t like a generic, throwaway comment as if to say “I’m saying this to sound good, but you better not fucking call me!” He genuinely meant it. He said it a couple of times and told me to spoil myself and rest up. Again, what nice people!

So, all sorted?

Yeah, a sprained wrist and a bruised up arm when i could, and probably should, have had a lot worse. I’m incredibly lucky to walk away from that, I know that. But i was even more surprised to see the Thai people go so far out of their way for me to see if i was OK. When you live in a country it’s very easy to only notice only the negatives and bypass the positives. Think about it; how many of you would say how great your own country is? Most people would say “England’s shit because…..” Or “America doesn’t even……” We tend to forget what’s great about our countries and only focus on the bad parts. So yeah, i was concerned that the Thai people would get aggressive and say “YOU PAY!” because i’m the foreigner and they think i have money, but nothing could be further from the truth. They went above and beyond to make sure i was OK and over the days that followed the more i dealt with Thai people through this situation the more it cemented my belief that they are genuinely nice people. Sure, like anywhere in the world you are going to find some tossers every now and then, but the vast majority are just nice caring people.

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Here’s a picture of one of the pups resting his head on his sister, before one his brothers kicked him in the face whilst trying to get some milk

Suzy’s had puppies!!!!!

20140817_124327 20140817_124336  

How many?

6 altogether. They’re all various shades but we won’t know for sure what colours they are until after a couple of weeks when they actually start looking like dogs.

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Do they have names yet?

No, not yet, I was lucky enough to get to name the last litter so i’m guessing i’ll get to name them again. Normally i wait a few weeks until i start to see what they look like and their mannerisms. Then i see what name might suit them.

What do you mean you get to name them? Aren’t they your dogs?

No they’re my landlady’s dogs. I’m allowed to go in there and play with them though. The next two months are going to be so fun. 1 month old huskies are ridiculously cute. The worst part is watching people take them though, so i have fun with them but i try not to get too attached to them because i know they are only going to be there temporarily.

Have you finished the book yet?

SI! i finished it on Thursday evening. I haven’t been busy at work so i utilized that time to finish the last bit of the book. I know it’s not finished yet, i want to stick an anger management class around the half way point because the transition from angry young man to reformed doesn’t really flow or make sense. Now I’ve given the book to a few people and i’m awaiting feedback.

SWISH! Back of the net! So how many books is that now?

Four. Four in 8 1/2 months. Not bad for a college dropout! I even gave James Pickering (the protagonist in the first book) a cameo role towards the end of this book. Almost like a little Easter Egg for people who have read all my books.

So is this one going to be published soon.

I can’t give you a definite answer on that. Once i get my feedback i’m sure i’ll know which way i want to go. But i want to publish another book so people don’t just think i’m a one trick pony, but at the same time i can’t release rubbish because no one will buy it. So i have to make sure what i’m releasing is good, not just any old shit. Plus that way i have two products to market, i’m not just shoving the first book in people’s faces all the time.

Speaking of which, have you got your business cards yet?

No, I’ve designed them though. They look shit. Then again, i always think what i do is not good enough. In a way it’s a good thing because i strive to be the absolute best at everything i try to do, no matter how unrealistic it is, and that in turn pushes my standards up.

On the front it’s nice and professional, then on the back it has the picture of my book cover, then next to it it says; “Random text that makes me look important. I’ve got nothing, so please help me out by nodding and looking impressed…” You know me; i can’t be professional forever. I hate anything that’s too formal. It seems unnatural and dishonest. So i covered both bases, professional and…..well….me.

If you are not working, then you don’t have any teaching stories. Have you done anything else other than build a great squad on Football Manager?

Well, on Sunday i went out with Liverpool Lee to watch the Liverpool match. Three quarters of a bottle of Benmore later we went to the next bar with flirtatious barmaids. I was like a kid in a candy shop! I asked who had boyfriends because i didn’t fancy getting shot by a jealous boyfriend who thought he was losing face. But once i figured out who was taken and who wasn’t things got a bit more fun. As long as you know its a fantasy and you are aware that they are only after your money you can have a lot of fun! It’s only when you get emotionally attached to these kind of girls that you start to suffer. This one girl took a particular liking to me (and our whisky!) and drank like a fish! She gave me her number and asked me to call her but i haven’t heard from her since. Liverpool Lee told me that a lot of these girls are teases and he’s not wrong. It’s a shame they tried to overcharge us twice on the bill because i liked that bar, but they are dishonest which means we will be taking our custom (and whisky) elsewhere. 

Anything else?

On Monday i went to an Italian restaurant and there were a couple of Italian guys there chatting. When they started to speak to me it was very frustrating because every time i went to say something in Italian it came out in Thai. I’d need to live there again if i wanted to speak Italian like i used to. Anyway on that note, ciao! I’ll see you next week. I’ll try and write something vaguely interesting, but i’m not promising anything…..

My sister is finally getting the recognition she deserves

hollie artist pic 1  

I’ve always known how amazing my sister is at what she does. She has been consistently painting canvases and murals (painting onto walls) that blow my mind for over 2 years now. Unfortunately we all know that receiving praise from our close friends and family doesn’t really count for anything. Whenever someone i know tells me that my book is good i think “Well, you’re hardly going to say it was shit are you?” So i know that every time i told her how good her artwork looked, it would go in one ear and out the other.

Fast forward to this week. She spent 4 days doing this masterpiece in some lucky little girl’s bedroom, and although it didn’t really surprise me because seeing her produce this kind of stuff is normal to me by now, the sharing and liking spread like wildfire. At the end of the second day out of four she had received over 100 new ‘likes’ on her Facebook page, and once the room was finished that number jumped up to well over 300.

24 hours, 47 shares and 718 likes later (not including the likes on the shares) It’s safe to say that she is getting national recognition. People from all over England are asking her if she can paint their rooms. Soon she’ll be able to name her price, as it will be common knowledge that she is THE person to go to if you want your room to look perfect.

I can’t even begin to describe how immensely proud i am of her. It’s finally all coming together for her and there is no one who deserves it more.hollie artist pic 2

If you like Hollie Clarke Artists’s work, please click on this link to go to her Facebook page.

hollie artist pic 3

Alternatively, if you don’t use Facebook, click on this link instead and it will take you to her website

Marketing sucks. Do you know what sucks? Marketing….

You know, you’re such a whiny little bitch!

Yeah that’s true. Only because i never thought marketing would ever be relevant in my life. I used to look at people who studied subjects like Marketing and think, “What a doss subject!” Now i’m quietly envious. The main reason is that i’m the kind of person who gets annoyed if people advertise things. If i want something, i go out and buy it. I don’t like being influenced in any way because i see that as a form of manipulation. Point being i’m finding it extremely difficult to market the book when in the back of my mind i’m imagining how i would feel from the outside in looking at it and i roll my eyes.

Just do it. What’s the problem?

The problem is i don’t feel comfortable with it. For example the great Robin Williams died yesterday. Some people may have seen this is a great marketing opportunity for my book. Posting on forums and links everywhere about ‘The Price of Fame’ so to speak. But i find it tasteless and heartless to try and make money and advertise during a moment of tragedy. Some people can do that. But not me. I hope people will find it and like it for it’s quality and not because i’ unnaturally trying to ram it down people’s throats

So what? You’re just gonna give up?

I didn’t say that. I just simply don’t know what i’m doing. A friend of mine told me to make some business cards which is a cracking idea, especially since when i talk to people about the book (or this blog) and they want to know the name, there’s an awkward silence followed by me saying, “Bear with me, let me go and get a pen…..” I’m considering a ‘shares win prizes’ kind of scheme as well. But for now they are just ideas.

How’s the selling side of things going?

Pretty good! Not enough to earn any royalties yet but they are still going. I’ve got my first couple of reviews as well (And they are both 5 stars! Go me!!!!) If you want to have a look. I shared them on my author page on Facebook so if anybody is on the fence about buying it maybe it will sway them to take the plunge.

And the 4th book? Are you done yet?

Nearly. I’ve written about 12,000 words in the past week and i’m much closer to the end than i thought i was. Now i just need to wrap it up storylinewise (i doubt that’s a word, they should make that a word…..) and the first draft will be done.

What’s this book about again? Is it negative and depressing like all the others?

Well, it does have psychological problems in it that they have to overcome. But in general the book has a different message

……Well……What’s the message?

You have to read it and find out! Here’s the blurb if you want to have a look.

Penishead! Redeem yourself with teaching stories.

OK, lets start with a game. Let’s play: 3 things Fucktard said ‘yes’ to! 

1.

He went to Bangkok for the weekend, i waited outside and wondered how long it would take for him to say yes…

Me: Hi Fucktard! How was Bangkok?

Fucktard: Yes

Me: <Bursts out laughing> i knew you were going to say that, i fucking knew it!

2.

Fucktard: <Randomly,> Do you like football?

Me: Yes i do

Fucktard: Who is your team?

Me: Watford, they are in The Champoinship

Fucktard: Yes

Me: Who is your favourite team?

Fucktard: Yes

Me: <going with it out of pure passive aggressiveness> And who is your favourite player?

Fucktard: Yes Yes (i swear to God i’m not lying, he actually said ‘Yes’ twice here…)

Me: Your favourite player is Yes Yes? He used to play for Liverpool, right?

Fucktard: Yes

Me: And what position does Yes yes play? I forgot…

Fucktard: Uh… I don’t know

3.

At the start of the lesson, he turns to me and says,

Fucktard: Teacher! I’m sorry but i want <mumbles>

Me: You want what sorry?

Fucktard: Yes

Me: You want yes?

Fucktard: Yes

* honestly there were loads, i’d say at least 10. But i can’t remember them off the top of my head.

Also I had to have a meeting (In Thailand, a meeting is a load of people doing nothing productive but it serves to make the boss look good when he/she has dinner with their friends and they say “I was at a meeting today…”) with Fucktard Jr’s mum (No relation to Fucktard, just pure coincidence..) And my Thai line manager called Ulrich Von Outofhisdepth.

Ulrich Von Outofhisdepth: Lewis, can we speak to you?

Lewis: Sure what’s up?

Ulrich Von Outofhisdepth: This is your student’s mother

Me: Which student?

Ulrich Von Outofhisdepth: Yes

Me: That is not a yes question, i asked whose mother is she? (Yeah, i don’t respect Ulrich Von Outofhisdepth. Don’t worry, he’s not a nice guy and deserves every verbal humiliation i give him…)

Ulrich Von Outofhisdepth: <looks confused then proceeds to mumble Thai to the Mum, i hear her say in Thai that she’s Fucktard Jr’s mum>

Me: Oh, she’s Fucktard Jr’s mum.

Ulrich Von Outofhisdepth: Yes Yes, that’s her.

<SILENCE ENSUES…..>

Ulrich Von Outofhisdepth: So she would like to know how her daughter is progressing?

Me: (I wanted to say, “Well, she’s fucking shit, let’s start with that!” But i ended up saying:) Yeah, she is getting better, but she does need to work hard at home and school.

I then proceed to give an Oscar winning speech (Sorry Leo, that’s not aimed at you. The fact you haven’t won an Oscar yet is criminal…) about how i am a teacher and my job is to teach and motivate the students so that they can learn to do things by themselves instead of pointing at the different multiple choice answers until i say yes and they fill it in (which, ironically is all we have been doing as she is not only a fucktard, she is a shit fucktard….) I then concluded it with explaining a basic style of teaching that sounds good as long as it’s backed up in practice. Fortunately for me i didn’t have to prove anything. As long as you sound good, you must be good. That’s the rule….

Ulrich Von Outofhisdepth then stares at me looking impressed and inspired. Don’t know why, i was just blagging it. Then he turns to Fucktard Jr’s mum and starts freestyling in Thai. She looks happy, turns to me and says thank you. 

“Thank you? Thank you? I’m pretty sure I’ve just insulted your daughter and you say thank you? I give up….”

Is that it this week?

Yep. I’ve taken San Marino to the playoffs in Serie C1A in Football Manager. And i also went out with Mr Lee Cartwright© and consumed one too many Benmore Whiskies with him. He’s a good laugh. I hope to go out with him a few more times. Oh yeah i almost forgot! I went out with French Girl on Friday (I think..) Because she wanted to go to a French bar that was playing expressionist music. Let’s just say it sounded like Ross Gellar’s ‘The Sound’ except 10 times worse because every 10 seconds the microphone would let out a high pitched squeal, presumably because he was too close to the amp. The highlight of the night was thinking that i saw someone there from my Thai class 3 years ago, only to be greeted by an outrageously gay person. “Hi i’m Chris!” He shrieked, stereotypically clicking his fingers at shoulder height as he said it. “Abort conversation, abort fucking conversation!” Thanks French Girl! Next time i pick the bar…..

The book’s out, now I’ve got to market it…..

Huh? You mean you actually published it? I thought you were never going to do it!

Yep, it’s out. You can buy it on Amazon by clicking on this link… 

Book cover the price of fame

Nice one! So you are officially a published author. Does that mean you are rich now?

Not exactly; I self published this book which means i have no backing. I have to do ALL my own marketing. Sadly for me i don’t know the first thing about marketing, so i’m spamming random pages and generally being a pain in the arse, just like when i talked about ‘The dark side of blogging’ on one of my previous posts. But you learn from your mistakes and by failing, so i don’t mind. It’s all experience in a world that i don’t understand yet.

Gotcha. Any teaching stories?

Actually yes, i have a lot, but i had to split this blog into two because i had way too many teaching stories this week. You can see the other half of this blog by clicking on this link. However i do still have more just for this blog, involving the lovely lady known as MASAKO!

MASAKO!’s still studying?

MASAKO! always studies…. On Saturday i was teaching her about aches (e.g sore throat, stomachache, cough, etc…) And she repeated the word ‘backache’. But when she said it, it sounded suspiciously like ‘bukkake’, the age old Japanese tradition when every Sunday afternoon a cute little Japanese lady….. Actually, no. I’m not going to warp the mind of the innocent. If you really want to know. type it in Google or Ask Jeeves if Jeeves hasn’t filed for bankruptcy yet…

So I said to her as calm as you like, “For that, you can just say sore back. That’s most people say anyway. Because when you say backache it sounds like….” And then i stopped myself. I remembered that MASAKO! was Japanese and probably knew what a ‘bukkake’ was. And i didn’t want the poor lady to have a heart attack. (remember this lady is over the age of 70.)

Then there was a family lesson we had. learning words like brother, cousin, uncle, etc… Unfortunately for us, the book i was teaching from was shit at best. (Anyone reading this who has taught in Asia knows EXACTLY what i’m talking about…) And one of the exercises was asking “Who is he/she?” with their picture, and MASAKO! had to write ‘He/she is Mike’s ______’. The first picture didn’t match any of the people in the family tree. So i stole her book and where it said “Who is he?” I wrote, “I don’t know, but i think he is in the KGB.” and gave it back to her. She hilariously tried to repeat it, to which i just let her and basked in my success. I knew she had no idea what it meant which made it even better!

So you are torturing the elderly; well done! Anything else you wanna throw into the mix?

Fucktard is still studying. He said some hilarious things but nothing that can top last week so it’s pointless writing it in here. I have, however, been teaching a young girl who i would like to name.. you guessed it, Fucktard Jr. Fucktard Jr is studying maths with me and doesn’t quite understand the concept of common sense, or the ability to independently think by herself. She just stares at me and repeats “I don’t get it” until i give up trying to lead her to the answer and just tell her what it is. Here we go…..

Me: OK, this question says: Susan is 9th in line, Brian is directly in front of her. How many people are standing in front of Brian?

Fucktard Jr: I don’t get it (i’m starting to think this clan are like pokemon…..)

Me: OK, then lets break it down. Susan is 9th (I write down 1 to 9) and Brian is right in front of her (I draw a circle around 8). So how many people do you think are in front of Brian (pointing at the 8)?

Fucktard Jr: I don’t get it

Me: Have a guess

Fucktard Jr: 9th

Me: No it’s not a position, it has to be an actual number…

Fucktard Jr: Errr……

Me: OK, How many numbers do you see?

Fucktard Jr: 9

Me: Sorry, how many numbers are in front of 8?

Fucktard Jr: <Smiles>

Me: OK, count it with me <I point to the numbers 1 by 1…>

Fucktard Jr: 1..2..3..4..5..6..7

Me: So how many people are in front of Brian?

Fucktard Jr: 1

Me: Just write 7 in that box…..

So.. What was the answer?

Don’t push it. They’re not all bad though, I have a group class that i’m teaching that is a lot of fun, sadly for me they are going to finish soon which leaves me with Einstein’s descendants. On the positive side book sales are going well! Much better than i thought i would do actually! So i’m very happy with that. If this continues i can travel the world and write at the same time. I think that’s pretty much it! i’ll see you next week with more stories about nothing….

A blog post dedicated to teaching stories!

“Oh hi Lewis, we have a new student for you, his name is Whats That Coming Over The Hill, Is It A Fucktard, Is It A FucktAARD? (Or ‘Fucktard’ for short.)”

Scenario: This kid needs help on his thesis, because he struggles to concentrate for the whole essay. At least, that’s the speech he’s memorized. He’s told me this word for word 6 times in 2 days. Hasn’t said much else though…..

So the first day i wrote down motivational tips on the board how to write, psychological tips, you know, all that shit. And he’s just nodding, he clearly doesn’t have a fucking clue what i’m saying. So after i stop speaking he simply pulls out his phone and takes a picture. “Oh it’s one of those lessons is it?” I thought to myself. “He’s not going to write it down or study. He’s just going to copy everything i say.”

Next i go through his thesis. If Peter Andre was looking at it, he would have said….

Do da do..do, DOO

Do da do..DO DOO

Do da do..do doo

From Wikipedia!

Yep, everything was copied and pasted from wherever he had got it from. It was so obvious that he hadn’t even changed the font styles and sizes from each place he had got it from. Fucktard was really going places…..

The next thing i had to do was teach him how to describe graphs. Something i do on a monthly basis so i have a lot prepared for it. Everything was going fine, until i was stupid enough to give him an instruction other than “Do this…”

Me: OK, so the top bit i want you to do for homework, so don’t do that now, but what i want you to do is the bottom bit. Draw your own graph, then describe it for me, OK?

Fucktard: Yes

Me: Lovely

I wait for a minute or so, then i realise he is staring at his book, not doing much.

Fucktard: Excuse me, what do i do?

Me: I literally told you less than a minute ago. draw a graph, then talk about it. OK? (I said this miming what i wanted him to do)

Fucktard: Yes

Me: Are you sure?

Fucktard: Yes

So i do a lap around the room like a prison warden. I come back to see him doing the homework.

Me: Why are you doing the homework?

<silence ensues, Fucktard has stopped saying yes….>

Me: I told you to do this as homework. Do the thing i told you to do, the thing i’m pointing at.

Fucktard: OK (At least he didn’t say ‘yes’)

I do another lap around the room, mainly to cool off. I come back and he’s looking confused.

Fucktard: What do you want me to do?

Me: Are you fucking kidding me?

Fucktard: You say homework.

Me: Yes, THIS is homework (pointing to the top) THIS is for now (pointing at the bottom) do you understand?

Fucktard: Yes

Me: Say it back to me, repeat what i just said.

Fucktard: Do the graph now and describe it

Me: OK, lets do it.

After that it went relatively smoothly, at least for the next 15 minutes or so. Then he had another question for me, He wanted to describe a line that was relatively stable (bear in mind i had taught him this 30 minutes ago) but didn’t know how…

Fucktard: How do i describe this line?

Me: What do you think?

Fucktard: Straight

Me: well it’s not straight, it’s rrrr…

Fucktard: <Looks at me like i’d just flashed his girlfriend>

Me: Relative……

Fucktard: <the look has become blank, like i’m speaking to him in tongues, or trying to communicate through the art of macarena>

Me: Relatively stable

Fucktard: Not straight?

Me: No, because if it was straight, it would be a straight line.

Fucktard: Yes, straight

Me: You think that is a straight line?

Fucktard: Yes

Me: This line, the line i’m pointing at.

Fucktard: Yes

Me: This line, the line with all the wiggly bits, you think that’s straight?

Fucktard: Yes

Me: And you’re an engineer? Brilliant. Lets move on….

The day wasn’t over yet, i had a speaking only class with a 17 year old girl. She was very giggly, just like most 17 year old girls are over here. I decided to do a game with her, to say “I went to the shop and i bought….” then something beginning with A. Then she would have to say the same, but say A and B, then i would say A, B and C, etc…. until we got to Z. I told her to be as creative as possible. She was very shy at first, giving basic answers, Then when she got to ‘H’ she said ‘A human lung.’ “Good girl!” I thought. When i got to ‘K’, I said ‘A kerosene covered teddy bear.’ 

“TEACHER! IT’S HARD!!!”

“That’s what she said!” i replied without missing a beat. She laughed, i don’t think she understood….

When i got to ‘S’ I said, “Sixteen satay sticks.”

“TEACHER!! IT’S LONG!!!!”

“THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!” I shouted as if it was coming out like tourettes. It’s a good job no one was listening into our class. An innocent 17 year old girl saying “TEACHER IT’S HARD!…….TEACHER IT’S LONG!……TEACHER IT’S POINTING DIRECTLY AT ME!…..”

Try explaining that one in court……

The next day was the return of Fucktard, or ‘Yes Man’ if you would like, i prefer Fucktard…. I was going through his thesis, explaining to him that if he wanted to copy from other people, at least change the fonts and sizes so they match. He nodded and said yes but i could have been asking if i could sleep with his hot cousin and he’d have probably reacted the same way…. Eventually, i ask him why he thinks his writing style was so poor, as his writing looked really good. (Mainly because it was someone elses…)

Fucktard: No

I nearly fainted, he didn’t say yes! although it still wasn’t the correct answer…

Me: No, i’m asking you, who said that your writing needs to improve?

Fucktard: No

Me: Someone must have told you that your writing needs to improve, in fact yesterday you told me that someone said this to you. Who was it?

Fucktard: Youtube video

Me: Errr….. The youtube video said that your writing needs improving?

Fucktard: Yes

Me: The youtube video actually said you, Fucktard, need to improve your writing?

Fucktard: Yes

Me: The man in the Youtube video physically pointed at you and said “You, Fucktard, need to improve your writing?” i said while overacting the pointing

Fucktard: Yes

Me: What a waste of my life! Lets just carry on…..

That afternoon i had a snakes and ladders game prepared for the students in my group class. One of the girls (the girl i talked about in my last post who may find love in my classroom) landed on the square that said “Ask every student a question about their family.” She went to ask the first question and said “What what what what…..” Stuttering because she was nervous.

I repeated her so everyone could get a laugh. Don’t worry, i let them laugh at my Thai, we all laugh at each other… Then she said, “What What?” Just like the start of the Mackelmore tune.

So i went, “what WHAT? what, WHAT? PAA padada, PAdada PAA, PAA padada PAdada PAA” The students looked at me in a confused way, but i wasn’t done yet; This was my joke. And it wasn’t finished “DOdadado do DO dadodo DOdadado do DO dadado I’m gonna pop some tags, only got…..” The class erupted in laughter. They got the reference, hooray!

That’s it for now. This is going to be a two parter otherwise it will be a mini book. So i’ll post the second part in a couple of days. Until then, SEE YA!!!!!!

How in the hell did a kid from Watford write a book??????

Yeah, yeah, the captain hook’s out

We got the methamphetamines, we got the cooks out

And it’s a dirty game of chess so get your rooks out

And we gon’ do this ‘coz the book’s out!

Thank you everyone who made this possible. I know i have a very long way to go but i’m on the bottom rung of the ladder. Now i have to work my fucking arse off and consistently prove i am a good writer until i get that one opportunity. And when i get that opportunity, i’m going to take it…..

Book cover the price of fame

The Price of Fame© By Lewis J F Clarke. Click here to buy it on Amazon today.