Talk To Me



Ross was a nervous teenager who found it very difficult to talk to girls. However he brushed it off thinking that everyone goes through hard times when they are a teenager and that he would come out the other side relatively unscathed…

Fast forward ten years later and Ross still finds it difficult to talk to women. If anything he is now more nervous than he was when he was younger. One day he makes a spur of the moment decision that he will not be too scared to talk to girls, and that he will talk to one girl for at least five minutes a day for a month.

See as he forces himself to go out of his comfort zone, sometimes with hilarious consequences. Ultimately, the question is will Ross come out the other side with his confidence brimming? Or will it be damaged beyond repair?

First few paragraphs:

Ding! “OK! Next table please!” Said a voice from the back.

“Hope to see you again soon.” I said, my eyes full of hope.

“Yeah, maybe…” Hollie replied. She was smiling but I could see it in her eyes deep down I was never going to hear from her again, she was just being polite.

I shuffled over to the final table. This was my first time speed dating and definitely my last. I didn’t enjoy the concept or the pressure of having a three minute time window to convince a girl that I was good enough to go out on a date with. I wasn’t good at chatting to girls at the best of times. My problem was that I got really shy and nervous around girls, especially ones I thought that were pretty. It started back in secondary school. I just assumed that it would pass once I left my awkward teen years and everything would work out fine. Only that they didn’t. In fact, the older I got, the more nervous and anxious I became. I was a 27 year old virgin with no sign of getting laid anytime soon. I know what you are thinking; “Why didn’t you just pay for it?” believe me, I’ve tried. My nervousness around women also stretches out to girls where you can pay for their services as well. And the more a girl shows an interest in me the worse it gets. I let out what can only be described as a woman repellant so even the most interested and/or sluttiest girls give up after a while. This isn’t how I envisioned my life would be as I ever so slowly approach my thirties. I can’t even claim I’m in my mid-twenties anymore, how sad is that? No girlfriend, no kids, I work as a head waiter at Cartwright’s, the American diner in the town centre. And I’ve never been travelling. I went to Spain with my friends when I was 22 for a lads holiday, but that was a disaster; All the lads got laid except me. At one point my mate Jimmy was doing a nice petite blonde doggy style on my bed while I was trying to sleep. Talk about humiliating! Yet I wrote it off and thought that it doesn’t matter, because my day will come. Only it never did. My younger brother has a wife and two kids whereas I have only ever seen a vagina on the internet.

I came to this speed dating thing full of hope. You know, turn over a new leaf and all that shit… It didn’t last long. Woman saw right through my false bravado and by the 5th girl I was a bumbling wreck. I was still trying to act confident on the off chance that someone would like me for me, but this wasn’t a Disney movie, I was destined to be alone.

I walked over to the last girl. Her eyes stared straight through me like she was ready to go home. I realized 15 seconds into her conversation that she had already made up her mind who she was going home with. There was a rugged looking fellow on table 7 to my right who she kept staring at, he kept looking over too. After a minute I stopped trying to talk to her and she was giving him the ‘come to bed’ eyes that I’d never actually seen in my direction, but aimed at many over people. The tall, skinny redhead he was sitting with didn’t look impressed either. I thought that this might be my moment to salvage something from the evening. I gestured to the redhead as if to say “What the hell are they doing?” She briefly looked in my direction before looking away. I thought I had a shot because at least we had a good chat 15 minutes ago. I remembered she liked jogging and reading, we had more of a connection than any of the other girls here. So when she looked over again I smiled at her and shyly stuck my hand up as if to say hello. She stared at me for a second, and then slowly stuck up her middle finger, prompting laughs from her table and mine.

I didn’t belong in this environment. The dating scene always seemed way too ‘alpha’ for me. I didn’t like the idea of having to compete and prove that you were the best guy for someone. It felt like an audition to be someone’s boyfriend. And there was always someone either better looking than me or who had a lot more confidence than me who would figuratively sweep a girl off their feet. Like I said, I didn’t belong here, but this was the only way I could meet people. Go out of my comfort zone and keep doing what I was doing until one day I met the right girl for me.

I left thinking I’d failed for another night. “I’m getting tired of this, same old shit every night. How many times do I have to run into a brick wall until I realize that I can’t break through?” I thought to myself as I took a swig of my favourite cider.

The next day I was back at work. It was Haloween. A weird night for people to book dinners but Cartwright’s was almost full. I set up service with Jazmine and Paul who happened to also be dating as well. Yep, my life was one big metaphorical kick in the balls. Anyway, I set up 12 tables with them, 8 of them tables for two, and prepared for another evening of earning slightly above minimum wage.


If you liked reading this book, or if you are bored as hell, somehow stumbled on this page and need to kill a few hours, click here or on the book cover to buy it now on Amazon. Go on, it’s only a couple of quid….


3 thoughts on “Talk To Me

  1. Pingback: 2 Days of Lukas and a ‘Roh’ cameo… | sirlewisofclarke

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