I Have No Fucking Idea What To Do Next…

I got back two weeks ago and have had – lets be fair – a great Christmas with my family, but this can’t go on forever…

As most of you already know I had to fly home two months into my trip around the world because of circumstances that were beyond my control, and on the bright side this meant I got to see all my family far sooner than I was expecting, however on the flip side I am still in shock that I am not travelling anymore, and that I’m back, in essence, being a dosser and waiting for things to fall onto my lap and work themselves out.

When people asked about what I was going to do for money during my trip I calmly replied that I would find something as I was travelling, because life tends to work that way; if you do what you love, people and things tend to find you as opposed to biting your lip, doing something you despise and wondering why everything hasn’t worked out for you yet…

Now I’m back in England. I’m in a first world country with no job, no prospects and no motivation since what happened mentally kicked the shit out of me. I’m staying with family which doesn’t help, because I’ve always been independent, and all of a sudden I feel like (whether they feel the same or not) that I’m a burden on them, and I don’t like it…

I have options, nothing anywhere near concrete though. The easiest option would be to continue travelling, but the other way around (the original trip was to travel from Thailand to England by land). However I’m worried I wont land on my feet in terms of finding work. The reason I feel this way is because opportunities dont seem to come easily for people like me; I normally have to fight for months to get half a chance, which I normally take since I have no idea when the next one will come. The only difference being I don’t have the fight in me anymore. I’d like to think my tenacity will come back soon but there are no signs of it coming back in the near future.

Of course, I have my books. I love writing and have the ability to turn that into a full time job, but writing books isn’t the same as working behind a bar for example; its not as if I turn up for my shift and get paid. It takes years, maybe even decades of experience to be good enough to make a sustainable income, so to blindly say I’m going to focus on solely making money off of my books would be financial suicide (unless I get extremely lucky, and I think I’ve covered how lucky I am in terms of making money…)

I dont expect an answer to this rhetorical question I seem to keep asking myself. I guess what I’m hoping is once I’ve shared my thoughts, I’ll be able to get some kind of drive back inside me so I can start again. I do want to go around England and see some of my friends that are scattered around the country. The only bad side to this is I don’t have a car, and it can get pretty costly. After that, who knows? Ideally in my heart I want some kind of life experience that I can transfer onto paper and turn it into a gripping yet clever story.

Maybe thats where life is taking me at the moment. Maybe I should stop being so anxious and enjoy the ride, or maybe these feelings of anxiety can help me conjure up a new character in a future book. Either way, I’d like to think I’ll look back on this post in 6 months time and laugh at my former self, wondering what the fuck I was stressing about…

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Last Few Days In Chiang Mai

As you may know by now I am back in England with my family. I didn’t plan on ending my trip so prematurely but hey, these things happen. I ended up returning to the scene of the crime; spending a whole month in Chiang Mai and of course catching up with my old friends.

Hilariously my landlord had kept my bicycle, so I had transport for the month. This meant it was very easy to catch up with everyone. However as these things usually do, the month had come and gone before I knew it. I’d spent most of the month doing absolutely nothing and wondering what I should be doing (I hate the word should, as it implies you are doing something wrong and there is a better way to spend your time…) when I got back to England.

On one of my last days a few of my friends (Keni and Jamie, whose wedding I went to about 6 months ago, and Danny, who won the ping pong tournament a few weeks back under the alias ‘omelette du fromage’) invited me out to Miguel’s, which in my opinion is the best Mexican restaurant in Chiang Mai. We all cycled there because we are healthy and all that bollocks. Then rendered the exercise pointless by destroying lots of unhealthy food. It was legendary!

Keni snuck off and paid for us without our knowledge being the true Englishman that he is, and I then said my second goodbyes to them (as I’d said my final goodbyes to them a few months before. I hadn’t even had a fucking haircut by the time I came back!)

Bye everyone. See you in a couple of months as the running joke seems to be…

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From left: Keni, Jamie, Danny, and me in my pink shirt…

 

My Interview with B.B.Lewis

I recently got interviewed by a fellow blogger and up and coming writer known as B.B. Lewis. She asked me about my books, my thought process whilst writing them and my venture into self publishing. You can read the full interview here:

https://themonsterunleashed.wordpress.com/2015/12/07/interview-with-author-lewis-j-f-clarke/

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Unrelated photo in case you forgot what I looked like. I’m the one on the left…

Twiddly Diddly Dee, Golf Is Not For Me…

I have some amazing friends. I know everyone says that but I found out when I got robbed in Cambodia that I had friends come out of the woodwork and didn’t even hesitate to help me out. One of those people was a guy called Matt, who has been dating another good friend of mine for about 2 years now. Matt invited me to go to the driving range and angrily hit a few golf balls, shouting out ex-girlfriend’s names right before impact. I agreed, Even though the last time I went to the driving range was three and a half years ago, and it’s been over 10 years since I last played properly…

I was running late, mainly because I’ve been a lazy bum since I got back into Chiang Mai and my body clock is way out of sync. I frantically text him saying that I was sorry and had overslept. He said not to worry, so I lazily dragged myself out of bed and did Lewis things before heading to Stardome Golf.

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Matt with his award winning swing…

Matt was a natural. I however, was not. Don’t get me wrong it WAS fun, but I won’t be challenging Monsieur Woods at the US Open any time soon.

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We didn’t actually hit any balls, Matt just posed for this picture and then we went home…

Matt hit one shot that went 200 yards and ever so slightly to the right. I remarked, “Cracking shot, old fella!” (I may be paraphrasing that…) I then had a go and I swung and missed. Not only that; on the pirouette I hit the ball machine next to us with the back of the club. “You’re a fucking disaster!” Matt laughed. I did too, male bonding at it’s finest…

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He still hadn’t moved from this position 10 minutes later…

We hit a few more and it was time to go home. I’m in Chiang Mai until Saturday so hopefully we can do this again and I can hit that Happy Gilmore shot that everyone says they did once. Until then, I’m going to enjoy being lazy until I get back home. After that I have to get my arse in gear and sort a load of stuff out. Including what I’m gonna do for 2016. Maybe I’ll buy a lottery ticket and I won’t have to worry about that. A foolproof plan don’t you think?

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Me, Matt and Shaylena at an Italian restaurant discussing golf strategy and how to grow epic beards…

Ping Pong Tournament: Thanksgiving Special!

I’m back in Chiang Mai!!! I’m also staying at the same place I was at before and I noticed the ping pong table looked like it hadn’t been used in a while so I whined like a four year old until Steve agreed to do one more tournament. We ended up with 4 able challengers.

Originally the plan was to have Team Ingerland Vs. Team Amurrica, with me and Daniel flying the British flag and Steve and Bobby trying to invade us. However a new competitor threw his hat in the ring and childishly bragged he was better than us, so we had to see what he was made of…

1) Name: Lewis

Nickname: McRecedinghairline

Now representing: Thailand (I was wearing a Chiang Mai F.C. shirt. There are no pictures to back this up, but I wouldn’t lie to you…)

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2) Name: Steve

Nickname: Power Hungry Landlord

Now representing: North Korea (Has Korean heritage. Even if he didn’t I’d still make him represent North Korea…)

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3) Name: Daniel

Nickname: Omlette Du Fromage (He was born and raised in France. Please; no Fresh Prince references, that would be too easy…)

Now representing: France

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4) Name: Bobby

Nickname: Booby (Purely because I typed his name wrong into the computer, looked up and thought “That’ll do for a nickname…”)

Now representing: Amurrica

So who is the fifth competitor you ask? Well, it was none other than Jesus himself…Yep, the real Jesus! He must have heard about the ping pong tournament and wanted in on it. I even got a picture of him to prove it, but I won’t show you yet, you’ll see it later…

The Setup

We had 5 people, or 4 people and one lord. So although I was under pressure, I decided that we should do a round robin and the top two people (or saviours…) advanced to the grand final, where the losers would eat dry roasted peanuts and cheer the winners on until one them dropped dead, rendering them only useful for parts.

Same as before; one set each, first to eleven, three sets in the final, blah blah blah… You know the score by now…

Let the games begin…

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I kicked off against Omlette Du Fromage…Literally. I squared up to him and said that he ain’t got nothing on me! He responded by keeping calm and embarrassing me on the table. I then cried and hid in the coffee shop. Apparently Power Hungry Landlord played him straight after and didn’t fare too well against him either. Stupid game…

So we had established a favourite, unless Senor Christ could bring home the bacon. Turns out Jesus was a Vegan and said he didn’t want to play, but rather give us all a bye so we felt better about ourselves.

So Jesus tucked in to a vegan burger whilst Booby was ready to kick some ass. Sadly for him it was a swing and a miss, as we were all angry we’d lost to Omelette Du Fromage and took it out on Booby.

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Omelette Du Fromage (left) looking scared as Booby (right) prepares to power up…

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Omelette Du Fromage Vs. The Floating Bat…

This meant it was a straight shootout between me and Power Hungry Landlord to see who was going to join Dexter, I mean Omelette Du Fromage, in the Final. The Power Hungry Landlord slouched his shoulders saying that he couldn’t be bothered anymore. I however could be bothered, and by default I crept into the Final against my original Ingerland teammate, who had since defected to France.

Results

(FRA) Omelette Du Fromage 11 – 8 McRecedinghairline (THA)

(FRA) Omelette Du Fromage 11 – 8 Power Hungry Landlord (PRK)

(THA) McRecedinghairline 11- 3 Booby (USA)    

(PRK) Power Hungry Landlord 11 – 8 Booby (USA)    

(FRA) Omelette Du Fromage 11 – 7 Booby (USA)    

(PRK) Power Hungry Landlord 6 -11 McRecedinghairline (THA)

(FRA) Omelette Du Fromage w/o Jesus (ISR)    

(PRK) Power Hungry Landlord w/o Jesus (ISR)    

(THA) McRecedinghairline w/o Jesus (ISR)    

(USA) Booby w/o Jesus (ISR)

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Final Table

Name                                                         PD         PTS

Omelette Du Fromage (FRA)            +10             8

McRecedinghairline (THA)               +10             6

Power Hungry Landlord (PRK)          -5              4

Booby (USA)                                           -15             2

Jesus (ISR)                                               n/a            0

Come on wrap it up; X-Factor starts soon…

Right; the final! McRecedinghairline Vs. Omelette Du Fromage. We sang our own versions of the national anthems and got cracking. My experience shone through first of all and I took the first set. Then I began to run away with the second set. I was 9-4 up at one point. I think my drink got spiked or something because the next thing I knew it was 10 all. Then Omelette Du Fromage pulled that classic ‘What’s that over there…?’ trick. I fell for it and he took the next two points.

The final set was much more dramatic. I’m not going to say why but let’s all pretend I wrote something compelling up to this point.

Wow…That’s so compelling!!!!

I know, right? So of course the score became eleven all. We both had a couple of match points, but in the end France prevailed again just like they did in the last tournament by taking the last set 16-14. I swear I’ve had some epic battles with the French…

(FRA) Omelette Du Fromage 11-13 12-10 16-14 McRecedinghairline (THA)

HA HA! You didn’t win AND in a few years you’re gonna lose your hair!!!

I’ll win the next one, don’t worry. I’ll get back to Forrest Gumping the ping pong table until I’m ready for revenge. In case you were wondering what Omelette Du Fromage won, I found an unopened pack of mentos in my room so…err….congratulations mate!

Actually no, I’m still waiting for proof that Jesus was there at the ping pong tournament…

Oh yeah, here it is, he even brought the ray of light with him:

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Um…That’s not Jesus. I’m pretty sure that’s Booby in a poorly lit photo…

You would think so, but I put it to you……. LA LA LA!! I’M NOT LISTENING! LA LA LA! IF I CAN’T HEAR YOU IT’S NOT REALLY HAPPENING!!! LA LA LA! IGNORE THE SITUATION UNTIL IT GOES AWAY…..