Thailand’s Night Markets

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One thing I completely forgot about Thailand are their random outdoor markets that seemingly pop up from nowhere. I was cycling home from sorting out some book stuff and stumbled across this little gem, which was mainly food stalls scattered in various colours.

One thing Thailand has going for it is its energy. You can’t help but be in awe of the energy this place exudes.

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BOOM! BOOM BOOM! BOOM! I’ve Got Ants In My Room…

Yeah… There’s ants, then there’s an army that can overthrow The Ottoman Empire! So this has been my life for the past month. My landlord went to Hong Kong when I moved in so I couldn’t tell him about the problem until he got back. The room had DEFINITELY not been cleaned. If it had, then it was a quick sweep jobby and that was it. The place stank, there was a stain on the wall that looked like Pepsi or something had been poured on the table and it ran down the wall (It’s still there, as I’m not sure if I can scrub it or it has to be painted over), the bathroom had white stains where it hadn’t been properly cleaned in months, and yeah, I had a few hundred friends who get into bed with me every night to say hello…

Fucking hell, Why didn’t you tell him?

I did, but it fell on deaf ears. Being English it’s very uncomfortable to physically say the words ‘can you fix this please’, instead you tend to do this very passive thing of saying the problem where the other person then apologises and fixes it so you don’t have to be rude and ask for someone to do something. Yeah, that didn’t happen here… He kinda just stared at me blankly until I felt uncomfortable, my anxiety kicked in and I quickly changed the subject. (anxiety’s shit...)

Well then, you should have just cleaned the room yourself you lazy fucker…

That’s exactly what I did in the end. I felt that instead of waiting on someone to do something for me, the best solution for most problems like this is to do it yourself. So I got on my hands and knees and scrubbed the bathroom and all the floor tiles in the apartment with some seriously powerful cleaning products. The smell had gone, and so had the stains (well, most of them…) but the ants were still saying hello every hour. So much so that if I sat down, I would be constantly swatting them from my body. It was soon clear that there was a massive ants nest under the tiles, and no amount of bug spray was going to get to it…

Because of this I did eventually go against my Lewisness and flat out ask him if he could help with the ant problem and he said he would give me some poison to put down the cracks, but that’s the last I heard about it.

So I did what any independent adult male would do and rang my mum. Not to fight my battles, although that would have been handy, but for advice on how to get rid of the ant problem. She told me that I needed some special poison powder that the ants would take back to their nest and it would kill the queen.

“TREASON!!!!” I thought jokingly being a stereotypical Englishman. But instead of calling my mum a traitor to our country I took her advice and bought some clear greenish box with arsenic inside, placed it near two of the main holes where they came from and sat in purgatory for a while…

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Die you arsenic loving bastards!!!

Within 30 minutes they’d surrounded the box like police on GTA when you are doing a difficult mission and some arsehole decides to jump out in front of you. I left to go and play pool with a friend of mine (I won by the way, everyday I’m hustling, Katt Williams style!) and when I got back the ants had all gone! So they’d either killed the queen, (you can’t trust anyone nowadays…) destroyed their own nest Bam Margera style or decided to go on holiday to Australia for a couple of weeks. There’s still a few in the bathroom, but I’m gonna move the arsenic box in the bathroom and try and kill those feather pluckers as well. I’ll tell you what, I’m looking forward to being the only one in my room from now on that’s for sure! Now all I need is some luck with my visa at the second attempt and I can FINALLY begin to get settled here again, after three bloody months. Wish me luck!