I finally made it to Serbia!

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Goodbye Ohrid! You’ve been good to me and I’ve enjoyed myself, but it’s time for me to go to another country with a few people I’ve met at the hostel…well, that was the plan anyway; I woke up and didn’t want to go, so I told the two people that I was supposed to travel with that I was going to stay one more day and then catch up with them in Albania.

Easy right? Yep, except at 4PM that afternoon it started snowing, BUCKETLOADS. “Dogshit on toast…” I thought to myself as I realised I was stuck in Ohrid for at least a few more days as the road to Albania was mountainous and I didn’t fancy flying off a thousand foot drop because we’d hit an ice patch somewhere…

I soon realised it was a lot worse than that; because I was already cutting the trip thin by volunteering here, I now had to sacrifice certain countries on the trip and couldn’t do the route I’d originally planned. So with my childish shitty mood I began to sulk, angrily crossing my arms saying it wasn’t fair and I didn’t want to play any more. Then with the help of a dreadlocked hero I soon had a plan B, or in my case a plan R… Serbia (cutting out all of Albania, Montenegro and Bosnia), Romania, Moldova, back through the other side of Romania, Bulgaria again, night bus to Turkey then fly to the Philippines to catch up with my mate who has just moved there from China.

I celebrated my arrangement with cheap wine and Fifa. My Watford team are destroying the game now, just in time for me to leave. If anyone wants to continue my ‘Watford McWatfordson’ save they are more than welcome to…

I cooked some pasta while I was there as well and showed that ‘excellent cook’ is not something I should put on my tinder profile if I ever get one. Yeah, it was inedible. I think the tuna was cheap and didn’t go with the pasta sauce. Either way, it hurt… Aaron saved the day by cooking some chicken, vegetables and rice. I can’t wait to get back to Thailand where eating out is cheaper than cooking yourself because me trying to fend for myself is something I hope that no one ever films…

The next day was time for me to leave. Gyoko (the hostel owner) told me about a night bus to Belgrade, so off I went in search of a vehicle to catapult me into country number 12. Except I forgot about walking on the ice to get to the bus station. It was 20 minutes away so I left 30 minutes beforehand, and I was still 10 minutes late by the time I got there.

I got back and Gyoko asked me in a shocked voice “You are going?”

“No, I went and came back…” Was my embarrassed response.

“No problem, stay!” He replied in boss mode.

He even got his family to make me and Aaron some local Macedonian food as well. Not only that but he refused to accept any money for the stay that night. So I slipped Aaron some money so they could both get pizzas the next night.

The next day involved me going to have a final chorba with Morgan, it was poetry.

<Sigh…> Who is Morgan and what is she doing here?

Morgan is a peace corps worker from Amurrica. We hung out the night before trying to out-offend each other and somehow she ended up showing me a meme on facebook talking about a ‘dick sandwich’. I was appalled, then impressed, then ever so slightly aroused then went back to appalled again. Then I realised I didn’t know what a ‘dick sandwich’ was and guessed it was American slang.

She wouldn’t tell me so I had the unfortunate job of searching for ‘dick sandwich’ on Google, wondering what kind of horrors would pop up (bad choice of words…) Luckily for me there was no images, just some urban slang explanations as to what it was.

For fucks sake; Are you going to tell us then or is this some clickbait bullshit?

There were a few explanations, but the funniest one was a dialogue of a bloke saying to a girl “Bitch you hungry? Do you want a dick sandwich?” Which of course I kept saying to Morgan every so often to offend her as much as possible. She struggled to get my sarcasm which made a lot of the conversation much more fun, for me anyway.

Nudes or it didn’t happen…

I don’t have any pics of her, let alone nudes, but there’s a 17% chance she has nudes on her blog if you want to look through. She’s a friend of mine and I personally have no interest in seeing her naked, but if there’s Jennifer Lawrence-esque pics of her then it may be worth sieving through her blog.

<sigh…> There’s the clickbait.

Would you rather that or me spam you once again about my books? Exactly. Shut up before I make you a dick sandwich…

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Just to clarify this is NOT a dick sandwich, this is just an icicle I snapped off a roof and took a picture of because I wanted to feel cool…

So the next day after I said my goodbyes for a fifth time I left at 5 to catch the 5:45 night bus to Serbia. To be honest I didn’t want to go, but I also knew that if I didn’t I would never go as I was very comfortable there. And I don’t know when I’m going to get the chance to travel through Europe again, especially with the uncertainty surrounding the UK leaving the EU, so I needed to see at least two more countries before I head off to the beauty, heat and friendliness of The Philippines and then onto working again in Thailand.

So here I am in Serbia, freezing my niplets of in -15 degree weather. South East Asia is going to be a hell of a shock in a couple of weeks…

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Gyoko very kindly let me advertise my books at his hostel. I’ll remember him when I’m famous…

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