Trying to invest in paid advertising for the first time was a bad idea…

I’ve been toying with the idea of pushing my books for a while now. The thought of diving into something I don’t understand scares the hell out of me, but I thought the time is right to try something new and work on getting a passive income through something I enjoy doing instead of rely on working behind a bar until I drop for minimum wage.

A friend of mine contacted me last week saying I should get in touch with a mutual friend who could guide me in the right direction, help build up my internet profile (whatever that means…), set me up with my own website etc… After thinking about it for a while I threw caution to the wind and contacted him, saying I was ready to make that step, a step that could be the difference between saying I’m an author and people recognizing the name before I even tell them…

I arranged a Skype session with my friend and said to him that straight off the bat I knew next to nothing about this side of things, so I have no idea how much time and effort these kind of things would take or how much it would cost. The then began to calmly explain to me what he planned on doing. I understood very little because computers confuse me and stress me out.

Then when it came to the price he quoted me $500. I assume that this is lower than average because he is a friend but even so the price freaked me out. I already have a website (albeit a free one), does it really cost that much as a start up cost before anyone even knows I exist?

So all the anxiety I’ve been having trouble with recently came up again and I wanted to retire into my shell. Great! All this time I’ve been trying to manage the after effects of being robbed in a foreign country and as you can imagine all it took was one slight thing to knock my extremely fragile confidence again. I realized that’s a huge chunk of my savings that I could be potentially throwing in the bin. After all, there’s no guaranteed return on that kind of thing is there? I know they say you have to spend money to make money but it seems a bit daunting to invest that amount of money into something that is essentially a gamble. I know my books are good, but the rest of the world doesn’t, and I’d still have to guide them to my website after that…

He could tell that I was worried so he messaged me saying he felt bad about offering me such a high price and would try to lower it because he wanted to see me succeed. He then said he would be willing to do it for free apart from the hosting costs (Again, no idea what that means. The more I try to understand it the less I understand it) Now I feel even worse because I feel like I’ve guilt tripped him into working for me for free, and it put me off doing it so much that I’ve mentally switched off and have no interest in setting up a new site any more, which in turn is creating more anxiety because I feel like I’ve wasted his time for nothing. I dipped my foot in the water and I now feel even more overwhelmed than I did before I enquired about going down this route.

I write books. I have no concept as to how to advertise and didn’t know I’d have to put up so much of my own money in the hope that I can see a slight percentage of a return. And that was just for a website. What about all other things I have to pay for that I don’t understand. There must be some running costs and some hidden costs that I have to incur along the way. Not necessarily from my friend, but on other websites or if there is another step I have to take. I very much doubt $500 would be all I need to invest before I see a reasonable profit, I have a feeling that will be just be the beginning…

If anything I’m now seriously considering not writing any more. If it’s going to cost me a substantial amount of money just for the hope that I can make a return then what’s the point? I use up so much mental strength in obsessing over a book and getting it down that part of me wonders if I am just wasting my time. It normally takes me a week to recover once I’ve finished a book so why should I sacrifice my mental health if it’s just going to cost me money as opposed to making me money?  If that truly is the case then I might as well focus all my energy into working behind a bar again. At least I have a set income and I can manage my money better, rather than sink a lot of my own money into something just to say I’m an author…

So I’m going to think about it for a few days. If I do decide to put any kind of money into this venture It’ll be to tentatively put a small amount of money towards Facebook advertising and see how it makes me feel. If it makes me feel how I’m feeling right now then this book I’m currently writing may be my last, if I even finish it at all…

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