I Need To Get Out Of This Rut…

For the last month or so I have been churning out this book like nobody’s business; I’ve written over 30,000 words in 5 weeks. I’m pretty proud of that but ultimately the book isn’t finished yet, so I can’t slow down now…

A few days ago I took the day off to recharge my brain. I need to do this every so often to give myself time to reflect on the book and if I want to take it in a particular way, I can’t simply write bullshit and hope it looks good at the end, I need to have a vague idea of where I’m going with it in terms of structure and to connect one chapter to the next. However I struggled the next day to get anything worthwhile down. I wrote something, deemed it terrible and deleted it. Repeating this process 4 times before giving up and thinking that I should try again tomorrow.

Tomorrow came and went, but ultimately I ended up with the same result. I kept the majority of it this time but I feel that deep down I’m going to have to come back and change it because I was definitely not on my ‘A-Game’. After thinking about it for a while I finally concluded that the reason I didn’t have anything spilling out of my brain was because in the last month I kind of knew what I had to write but I hadn’t written it down yet, whereas this particular part was where I knew what I wanted at the end of the scene, but I was not 100% sure how I was going to get there. So I went to bed early and thought resting my brain for one more day would be a good thing. After that I could attack this scene and everything would be back to normal. After all, this is the only scene that’s holding me up…

Today I woke up in a depressed state thinking that I didn’t want to DO anything. I went for a bike ride wondering what I was going to do to get myself out of this rut, and then it hit me;

“I don’t want to DO anything…” is a line from my latest book. The next scene I was writing was an upsetting scene about a character who is feeling worthless. Recently I have been writing all positive scenes so I have been writing ample words on a daily basis, sometimes writing as much as 3500 words a day. Ultimately I am doing what every good author – and not just authors, actors as well – should do: I have become my characters. When the book was upbeat, I was happy and optimistic about everything. Now the book is taking a dark turn, so am I.

So no, I don’t want to get out of this rut anytime soon. I want to channel this energy into writing something beautiful. I’ve become my characters before (getting into a mind of a killer was genuinely scary and something I don’t want to do again anytime soon!) but never as powerfully as this. It’s exciting and interesting at the same time, and I’m looking forward to what comes out of my brain in the next few days…

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