Recently I’ve been in a really shitty mood. There’s no real explanation for this but of course me being me i’m massively over-thinking things and trying to figure out something that most likely is impossible to figure out.
One of the reasons swirling around in my head is that i’m finally turning into my dad; a guy who is not a very nice man but is an extremely good actor, so most people think he is an amazing man. They say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree so maybe i’m making that transition into becoming a tosser. Except whereas he is playing it smart, i couldn’t care less and almost want that confrontation.
Another thing could be that i’m pushing myself too hard again. Doing a job like teaching is mentally draining when you are trying to prepare people for exams who are nowhere near that level. When you perform miracles your boss tends to look at you as if to say, “Good, do it again!” throw in trying to write, publish and advertise books into the mix, and it’s no wonder that i want a very long break from it all.
How does this affect my book i hear you ask? Well, my character’s popularity is just taking off as is her career. Like most of my characters i wanted her to be grounded so there is some likability to the character which makes the reader want to continue reading, however due to my mindset she seems to be veering off towards becoming a complete dickhead.
This may be a genius move in terms of the book. Fame got to her head and all that kind of thing. You may also be thinking since the author has to become the character, this may be the character’s natural personality switch. Now i’m torn between postponing the book until my mind clears up (if it ever does), and continuing as usual and letting her become a nasty piece of work.
I know that if i was reading a book and the main character was not likeable, Unless it was a superbly written book i would stop reading it. If it was so well written that i couldn’t put it down i would want her to get her comeuppance, otherwise it would wind me up.
So here i am at a crossroads; do i let nature take its course and hope it doesn’t mess up the natural flow of the story, or do i wait a while, then stick to the script and make her somebody you want to rally behind. Or i could meet halfway and write exactly the opposite of how i’m feeling right now. I guess it would be rewarding if i write about someone’s mindset when it isn’t my own. That can only aid me in the future when i need more diverse characters. I’ll let you know how it goes….