I feel like i’m writing a flop…

Book number six… I had a two month break from writing after i finished my fifth book because i was completely burnt out. To the extent that i couldn’t even hear people when they were talking to me. During my two month break i gained a little bit of perspective in life and decided to work less that i had been doing for the past 8 years and concentrate on doing what i love, and for the time being that is writing books.

By the time i had finished my two month break i was itching to get back on the figurative saddle and start popping out more books. I had 6 book ideas swimming around in my head and couldn’t wait to pick up where i left off…

I have been writing this book for nearly 2 months now. I’m about 21,000 words in and probably just under a quarter of the way through. Having said that i’m not as into the story as i was with all the other books. I recently read my fourth book (the third one in terms of publishing, since i never released my second book) and it had so much depth to the story. The characters were gripping and believable and the story flowed beautifully. However i would be lying if i said i feel the same about this one…

The character development of my main character is fine. She is currently going through a transition of confidence and i’m happy with the way that is going, but i’m struggling to develop the other characters because the way the story has taken me many of the characters have left the story before you start to get attached to them.

I know where i want to take the story, and it is a great concept for a book, i’m excited to see what comes out of my brain. But if the book drags at the beginning then most people will give up trying to get into it before the story really takes off, and that’s exactly what i’m worried about…

Of course, self doubt is what almost everyone goes through, and i did wonder whether my fourth book was going to be complete garbage while i was writing it, but the feeling was nowhere near as strong as this one. I wonder if it is because my books are getting longer now, so it is not going as quickly as i would like it to be. I don’t know, it could be anything. A friend of mine who is also a writer told me that when you are writing something as complex as a novel, you tend to hate yourself from start to finish. I can somewhat agree with that, as it would be naive to think that to write a book you say to yourself, “OK, I’m going to write a book now!” then a couple of months down the line you have an international bestseller and you didn’t have to even get out of first gear. There’s a lot of deleting, re-writing and self loathing involved, not to mention the countless hours of obsessing about the book and re-writing it in your head, normally when you are away from a computer and by the time you get to a computer you have forgotten the great plot twist or phrasing you had come up with…

At the same time, i could be writing an amazing novel, but my own insecurities are stopping me from enjoying the process. I know with some of my books i gave out the first part to people and when they contacted me back a day or so later saying that they were itching to get the next part (even though i hadn’t written it yet) that gave me the confidence and motivation to finish what i started. Maybe that’s what it is. Maybe this is something that every writer goes through, not just me. Come to think of it; i can’t imagine anyone being that arrogant to think, “Yeah, this book is amazing. I’m so good at what i do!” It could be a number of things. I suppose the only way i’ll find out is when i finish the book and give it to people and see what they think. Who knows? This ‘flop’ could be the book that funds my travelling around the world expedition.

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One thought on “I feel like i’m writing a flop…

  1. Pingback: 100 posts! | sirlewisofclarke

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