So no more Warrior; he’s gone back to Canada to do Canadian things… But there was an interest to have another tournament by many of the people staying at our apartment block. I wanted to wait until mid/late February so it was roughly a month apart between tournaments but a few of the people announced that they weren’t staying very long. So we decided to do another one!
I was the defending champion, so you would think i was coast to victory this time as well right? Well, that’s a very naive way of thinking; i admittedly overachieved last time, plus throwing into the mix a new bunch of competitors i would be lucky to retain the village bike.
Steve was there too, as was Jason (he showed up this time, and this guy is the master of fancy spin serves!) We also had a couple called Anna and Justin, and a long term resident called Vladimir threw his metaphorical hat in the ring and declared war on the west. There was another couple who were interested but had to pull out at the last minute (mmmmm…. THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!!!!!!) Because one of them got career threateningly sick.
Lewis – Lewis and Clark. Nice and simple
Steve – Steve O. Yeah! This guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vladimir – Vlad The Impaler. Simply because Vlidimir Putin was too obvious and I don’t know many Vlads…
Anna – Anna Montana. Haters are gonna tell me it should be ‘Hannah’…
Justin – Justin Credible. The obscure 90’s wrestler. Because Timberlake and Bieber were too easy
Jason – Jason Derulo. Talk dirty to me! I mean the song, not you Jason. Shit! First the monk and now this…
The Setup (cue Obie Trice music…)
As we had six competitors, we had two groups of three, with the top two advancing to the semi finals. Then the winners of their respective groups would play the runners up from the other group, before a grand finale in the err… final.
same as before, first to eleven wins. However for the semi finals and the final we played the best of three sets instead of the usual fast paced ‘one set only’ rule we had for the group games.
The Group Stages
Anna, Justin and Jason went to get tattoos. This meant that by 3 o clock (the tournament was supposed to start at 1) there were only 3 people present; me, Steve and Vladimir. I decided that we should play each other and that would be the first group while we waited for the traumatic threesome to return. Steve signalled his intentions early on by destroying the Russian mothership. So much so that he went upstairs ‘for five minutes’. I then played Steve and after a gruesome battle i emerged victorious, cue fist pump and grunting in a manly manner…
Just then The Traumatic Threesome (I’m copyrighting that…) returned. Jason had a beast of a tattoo on his back so he couldn’t move that well. This boded well for me and Steve in the later stages. Jason first played Justin and McLost with cheese. Then Anna played Justin and he ran straight through her too! this left Jason and Anna to battle it out for the remaining place in the semi final. I didn’t see it though because the washing machine had finished its cycle and i was hanging my undies in my room, but i was told when i came down that Jason had scraped through, bad back and all!
By now we had realised that Vladimir had not come back down. He had probably forgot that we were playing a tournament to be fair… So i knocked on his door and asked him if he wanted to play. He reluctantly agreed. After a tense battle England finally prevailed over Russia, with Vladimir being a good sport about it.
PRK Steve O 11 – 3 Vlad The Impaler RUS
ENG Lewis and Clark 11 – 5 Steve O PRK
ENG Lewis and Clark 11 – 4 Vlad The Impaler RUS
USA Justin Credible 11 – 3 Anna Montana USA
USA Justin Credible 11 – 4 Jason Derulo CHN*
*CHN Jason Derulo 11 – 9 Anna Montana USA
* Jason is actually Amurrican, but we had too many Amurricans being represented in this tournament, this led to the emperor of China paying Jason a million gold coins to represent his fine country, so he did.
The Final Tables
Name PD PTS
Lewis and Clark (ENG) +13 4
Steve O (PRK) +2 2
Vlad The Impaler (RUS) -15 0
Name PD PTS
Justin Credible (USA) +15 4
Jason Derulo (CHN) -5 2
Anna Montana (USA) -10 0
The Semi Finals
So i was playing Jason for a place in the grand finale. I started off well, racing into a 9-6 lead. However then Jason got 5 points in a row and took the first set. By now an upset was definitely on the cards, Jason’s back wasn’t giving him as much hassle anymore and he was ready to play. I took the next set after a tight battle which left us with the final set. Jason was all over me and the only reason i kept up with him was because of my fast serves, eventually (and undeservedly) stealing the final set 11-8
Judging by his performances in the group stages, Justin was now the clear favourite to win this tournament. Unfortunately Steve had other ideas. He upped his game especially for this match (maybe he wanted the village bike…) and he took the first set into sudden death, since the set had to be won by 2 clear points. After a lot of back and forth Steve succumbed to the powerhouse that is Justin 16-14. He was not deterred though, and stormed the next set 11-6. Justin took it up a notch in the final set and ran away with it 11-4.
So both semi finals were very equal. It was interesting to see who was going to win. Especially for me as i’m quite a competitive fucker…
(ENG) Lewis and Clark 9-11 11-7 11-8 Jason Derulo (CHN)
(USA) Justin Credible 16-14 6-11 11-4 Steve O (PRK)
3rd Place Playoff
Jason (wearing a hoodie) and Steve (not wearing a hoodie) battled it out for third place. Neither of them seemed interested at this point so i offered the winner a chocolate bar from England which i had brought over here to devour some time in the near future. This livened them both up with Jason eventually coming out on top, and with it, getting to eat a legendary Toffee Crisp
(CHN) Jason Derulo 11-3 11-13 11-5 Steve O (PRK)
We started by singing our respective national anthems, then off we went. It was a very tense affair, Nobody could get the upper hand. I managed to sneak the first set so i was well chuffed. I could see the village bike in my sights! I was 9-8 up and ready to start my acceptance speech when tragedy struck! I messed up my serve and gave him the point! He then swiftly collected the next two points to win the set 11-9, so the match quite rightly went to a final set..
Justin got the upper hand, then i did, then he did again, and from then on i was always chasing. I got it back to 7 all at one point, screaming “COME ON!” like any good tennis player would. Unfortunately that was the closest i got to retaining my title, as from then onwards Justin lead ever so slightly and professionally saw the game out.
(USA) Justin Credible 10-12 11-9 11-9 Lewis and Clarke (ENG)
So there you have it. We have crowned a new champion, a worthy champion at that! Sadly for Justin he has left Thailand now, and has had to vacate the title. Although he did win series 1-4 of The Office as a reward for restoring Amurrica as the number 1 superpower…
Justin with the grand prize – The Office boxset, seasons 1-4