Bam Bam from The Flintstones was the original Pokemon….

TBK book cover 1

Cool book cover!

Cheers. My incredibly talented sister designed it in a matter of minutes. (Click here to see her other work.) 

Does this mean that this one is out now?

Not yet. I did my 2nd and 3rd drafts 2 weeks ago and last week respectively, including adding another 3000 words and changing the ending slightly so it makes more sense. Now all i have to do is wait for the book to be edited by someone other than myself and it’s ready to go!

Nice, nice, baby!

I know. I don’t think publishing a book is something i’ll ever get used to. I mean, it’s a matter of fact when i’m doing it by myself, but when i hear myself speak to people about it, it feels surreal. Sometimes i feel like i’m having an out of body experience when i tell people i’m writing my 5th book. Like i’m looking at myself as if to say “Are you really saying these words?”

Does it get easier the more you do it?

Yes, it’s like anything. For example it took me over a month to try and understand all the legal jargon. More often than not started to wonder whether it was worth all the hassle and there were more than a few times when i was so overwhelmed i felt like not bothering to put it out there because “It’s not as if anyone is gonna find it anyway…” However this time i did it all in about 5 minutes. AND i’d just woken up from a nap. So in my groggy state i was casually browsing through it. Going: “Yep…OK…No…Enable…etc… Wow, i’m done!”

So what’s the book about?

It’s the diary of a killer. Someone who killed when they were very young, went to prison and got given a new identity. I thought it would be interesting to write a story about someone who was living a lie. Think about it. Imagine having a group of friends, but knowing that those people would literally want to kill you if they found out who you really were. That kind of stress would erode your mental state and eventually make you go insane, no matter who you were.

So the protagonist becomes insane at the end?

That’s for me to know and you to spend pocket change to find out! Here’s the blurb of the book if you are still interested.

Nah, i want to hear some teaching stories.

Last week i came in to work to teach a private class. I was teaching this 16 year old girl who hadn’t really done or said anything to make me remember her. Except this day she came in dressed like a Native American. I’m not going to lie, she pulled it off perfectly and she looked really sexy, and i mean REALLY SEXY. (I feel terrible, but she did admittedly look really hot! And in case some of you are saying, “Well she’s 16, so what’s the problem?” My ‘baby cousin’ is 3 years older than her. A girl who i remember holding in my arms when she was a couple of weeks old!) Anyway, half way through the lesson, while we were going through a reading test, ‘Tribeslady Barely Legal’ for some reason thought i said harven instead of haven. From then onwards she kept asking what a harven was and what the difference was between a haven and a harven. At one point i said to her “I didn’t say harven, you said harven, i said haven. The only time i ever said said harven was in this sentence explaining to you that i didn’t say harven.” To which she simply replied, “So it’s harven yeah?”

Yes Tribeslady Barely Legal, it’s harven……

How’s MASAKO!?

MASAKO! is fine. Last week we had a game of eye spy. After explaining the rules, along with examples, the first attempt i did was saying “I spy with my little eye, something beginning with A” (It was the air conditioner)

“EYE” She replied, although she could have been repeating the I from I spy. So i said, “Yes, I spy something beginning with A”

“AKATA!” She shouted enthusiastically. I didn’t realise we were also playing this game in Japanese…

“No, it has to be English i’m afraid.” I know, i’m such a jobsworth…

“A teacher.” She said, pointing and giggling at me. I must admit she got me…

After about a minute she gave up and i won. Not just in this game, but in life. And therefore i levelled up to ‘above average’. Not bad for someone in their late twenties….

Late twenties? Don’t worry, you’ve still got your hair! Oh, wait… Never mind….. Anything else for me?

Yes, on Thursday night i went out drinking with my boss. We had one too many bevuto’s of the alcoholic variety and at 1 o clock he gracefully retired. I stayed at the bar with a Thai guy named Joey (Cue Friends references…) that we had befriended earlier and he clocked that on the other table that a group of Thai students had left well over half a bottle of Sangsom (Thai rum. It’s technically rum but it tastes like sweet whisky) on their table when they went home. So he picked it up and said, “Let’s carry on drinking.” And we left the bar to buy some more coke (By now the bar was closed) So i went to 7/11 and bought a bottle of coke. Then i asked him where we were going and he coolly answered, “Back to the bar.” I was confused but i followed him. Only to be greeted by all the bar staff and the owners getting pissed at the bar. I stayed there until 6 practicing my Thai and they were practicing their English so everyone was a winner!

On Saturday i turned up to work at 12:30 for my class at 1 (the MASAKO! class) and i saw a mountain of macaroni and pork in tomato sauce. Apparently they had a kids show at the school (they do kids courses on weekend mornings) but because they did the show during half term, most of the kids didn’t show up! This meant that the machine that is my stomach had to devour all the food that was supposed to be for the kids. I didn’t need asking twice! I destroyed it all without so much as a second thought! Then they said “Same tomorrow! We have a show tomorrow!” “F to the N to the W-I-N-NER!” I thought to myself. free lunch. That’s how you motivate me. That or chocolate, lots of chocolate…..

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