Chris is taking up my blog titles again, hopefully this is the season finale!


Can you explain to me what the flick that is????

It’s ‘The Artist Formerly Known as Thacker’s’ expensive looking recording studio! He asked me to come back to do some more accents.


God knows…. I did an Indian accent first but he didn’t like it. He said i had to sound more energetic and crazy, so i changed the accent to ‘Middle aged Indian man on cocaine’. I enjoyed it, unfortunately i’m going to hell because of it….

God will forgive you as long as you bless him with teaching stories.


Me: (after going through electronics vocabulary) OK, are there any words here that you DON’T understand?

Fucktard version 2.0: CD

Me: A CD is this <picks up a CD> and you put it into a CD player <mimes putting the CD in the CD player that was next to it.> Anything else?

Fucktard version 2.0: CD player

Me: OK,  just literally told you this four seconds ago. It this thing that i was pointing to before.

Fucktard version 2.0: <silence>

Me: Anything else that you don’t understand?

Fucktard version 2.0: TV

Me: <shocked> A TV a a thing that you watch TV shows or DVDs on.

Fucktard version 2.0: OK

Me: Actually, isn’t TV the same word in Thai?

Fucktard version 2.0: <Gormless look>

Me: How do you say TV in Thai?

Fucktard version 2.0: TV

Me: anni aray te pasaa Thai, TV chai my? (roughly translates as: What is it called in Thai, it’s a TV, right?)

Fucktard version 2.0: Chai (correct)

Me: So it’s the same word….

Fucktard version 2.0: <silence>

I burst out laughing. I couldn’t hold it in…..

In another lesson i was going through the sounds of words for him. I’d written the word ‘fun’ on the board after explaining the ‘f’ sound to him and asked him to try and say the word. After multiple efforts of using sounds that didn’t involve the ‘f’ sound (which repeatedly prompted me to say it must have a ‘fffff’ sound in it.) I asked him by doing the sounds with him.

Me: Repeat after me; Fuh-uh-nuh

Fucktard version 2.0: Fuh-uh-nuh

Me: Faster. Fuh-uh-nuh

Fucktard version 2.0: Fuh-uh-nuh

Me: Fuhuhnuh Fuhuhnuh

Fucktard version 2.0: Fuhuhnuh Fuhuhnuh

Me: What’s the word?

Fucktard version 2.0: Crab

Me: What the..? Where…..How….? Where is there a ‘C’ in the word fun?

Fucktard version 2.0: There, C <points to the word ‘fun’>

Me: i genuinely have no idea how you found a ‘C’ in the word fun. Actually, How did you do it? I’m genuinely asking you; How did you get ‘crab” from the word fun?

Sounds like Fucktard version 2.0 is better than the original! Any other stories?

I got asked to write a multiple choice exam for a random school by my boss. After 20 questions my professionalism started kicking in and i began to write funny choices. One of the questions was:

24. Can i have a glass of water please?

a) Get out of my shop!

b) Who invited you to the party?

c) i’m afraid we have run out of water.

d) Water way to use a bad pun.

Also for one of the questions i left an option that read: Generic answer that i hope someone chooses. And yes, someone did choose it! When the exams were being marked by the school i borrowed some to see if anyone had chosen that option. Took me 2 papers before i found someone who did….


Yes indeed. But my life isn’t all yes; the puppies have been relocated to my landlady’s mum and dad’s house, so i hardly ever get to see them anymore. They were getting too big and they were running everywhere. It was only a matter of time before one of them made a beeline for the gate, and that could have been fatal.

Aww….. Cheer me up with Thailand stories.

I’ll try. I went out with one of my students on Saturday (not Fucktard, don’t worry. I wouldn’t invite Fucktard out, or Fucktard version 2.0. They’re nice boys and everything; but no….), after class she came with me and Liverpool Lee to watch the Liverpool Vs Everton match (As she’s a Liverpool fan) Jagielka’s last minute goal of the season didn’t go down too well with those two. But after that we destroyed three quarters of a bottle of whisky between us and everyone had a lot of fun!

How Ist Ze Book?

Ze Book Ist Gud! I’m 23000 words in now. Nearly half way through it. I wrote 2700 words on Monday alone! I have an idea of how it is going to play out now, and by that i mean i have a vague idea of how i want to end it, i just need to get there and make the ending good rather than simply saying, “And this happened. TA DAHH! the end……” I haven’t sent the third book to be edited yet (In case i haven’t mentioned it yet; i’m planning to publish the third one really soon. Click here to read the blurb) and i hope in a few weeks time i’ll be writing a blog plugging my next book, but for now i’m just leaving you in suspense and saying it’s on the way….

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s