I’ve hit the proverbial wall.

Is this really worth broadcasting to the world? 

I haven’t written any more of my story for 3 days. 5 if you are not including ideas as to where i want to take the story or little snippets that have been written down so i don’t forget it at a later date. The problem is this is supposed to be a happy story but i’m feeling a bit under the weather. Normally i can let the story drift with whatever mood i may be feeling as long as it flows, but i don’t want to make this story become dark. I’m also reluctant to stop writing for an undetermined period because i know deep down that if i stop i’ll never get started again.

I’ve written 4 books in 8 months. Well, 4 and a half if you include this one. Normally i would fight through if i don’t want to write because the feeling you get when you can look back and think about the complexity of a book and then think “i wrote that.” is an incredible feeling. But lately I’ve really struggled to feel motivated. Like anyone i always wonder whether i’m good enough to do this. If i’m just wasting my time and setting myself up for a big fall. My close friends and family tell me that i’m good at what i do. Of course they have to say that right? Are they shielding me from the truth? Are they prolonging the inevitable?

i know i can’t continue to feel like this forever. Overcoming self doubt and fighting through no matter how badly you want to give up is the difference between being successful and being that person at the pub blaming everyone else for their own shortcomings. I need to smash through this wall. If i do not have enough strength to go through the wall i need to resort to plan B and climb over it. Either way i WILL get past this wall, and i will succeed. I’ve always been a firm believer that if you are truly good at something people will find you. It may take years or even decades, but pure talent cannot be ignored forever. Someone will notice it one day and once that opportunity presents itself, the successful people won’t let it pass by.

I suppose i better get back to work. This book isn’t going to write itself, and success doesn’t just fall on people’s laps, it comes from hard work and the desire to do something that others don’t dare to dream. If i want to be making money from my books in 10 years time, then i better stop moping around on here and start fucking earning it……

4 thoughts on “I’ve hit the proverbial wall.

  1. Ok. A few things. You are doing something courageous…writing is fucking hard work, you have to make yourself vulnerable, and yes, some people fall, but others succeed – and many people will never know whether they will fall or succeed because they never even gave it a shot. And no, close friends don’t have to say that you’re good…dude, you know my opinion is worth something and if you’re shit, I’m going to tell you you’re shit. And you’re not. But I do think you would greatly benefit from taking a creative writing course. Like all things, talent needs to be nurtured. You’ve got something good, but it could be great with more knowledge on the subject. I’m so happy for you that you’ve found something that you love doing! Not a lot of people can say that!! (I’m still trying to figure out mine…it’s travelling for sure, but that’s starting to break the bank!) Anyways dude, if you’re feeling under the weather, it’s okay to take a break for a day or two. Just be sure to keep at it when you’re better (and if you need a little ass-kicking, I’m right here – eer, 15,000 miles away ‘right here’…)

    • Thanks Kaycee, i really appreciate your kind words. I have started to write again and i’m getting back into the swing of it. I’m looking forward to seeing you again in a few years time; whether it is in Amurrica or whether you have decided to move to another country and work there. Either way, i’ll see you in a few years when i do my world travel thing. I hope that now you are back in Amurrica life will fall into place for you, rather than the power trips you had to deal with in Korea.

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