The book’s out, now I’ve got to market it…..

Huh? You mean you actually published it? I thought you were never going to do it!

Yep, it’s out. You can buy it on Amazon by clicking on this link… 

Book cover the price of fame

Nice one! So you are officially a published author. Does that mean you are rich now?

Not exactly; I self published this book which means i have no backing. I have to do ALL my own marketing. Sadly for me i don’t know the first thing about marketing, so i’m spamming random pages and generally being a pain in the arse, just like when i talked about ‘The dark side of blogging’ on one of my previous posts. But you learn from your mistakes and by failing, so i don’t mind. It’s all experience in a world that i don’t understand yet.

Gotcha. Any teaching stories?

Actually yes, i have a lot, but i had to split this blog into two because i had way too many teaching stories this week. You can see the other half of this blog by clicking on this link. However i do still have more just for this blog, involving the lovely lady known as MASAKO!

MASAKO!’s still studying?

MASAKO! always studies…. On Saturday i was teaching her about aches (e.g sore throat, stomachache, cough, etc…) And she repeated the word ‘backache’. But when she said it, it sounded suspiciously like ‘bukkake’, the age old Japanese tradition when every Sunday afternoon a cute little Japanese lady….. Actually, no. I’m not going to warp the mind of the innocent. If you really want to know. type it in Google or Ask Jeeves if Jeeves hasn’t filed for bankruptcy yet…

So I said to her as calm as you like, “For that, you can just say sore back. That’s most people say anyway. Because when you say backache it sounds like….” And then i stopped myself. I remembered that MASAKO! was Japanese and probably knew what a ‘bukkake’ was. And i didn’t want the poor lady to have a heart attack. (remember this lady is over the age of 70.)

Then there was a family lesson we had. learning words like brother, cousin, uncle, etc… Unfortunately for us, the book i was teaching from was shit at best. (Anyone reading this who has taught in Asia knows EXACTLY what i’m talking about…) And one of the exercises was asking “Who is he/she?” with their picture, and MASAKO! had to write ‘He/she is Mike’s ______’. The first picture didn’t match any of the people in the family tree. So i stole her book and where it said “Who is he?” I wrote, “I don’t know, but i think he is in the KGB.” and gave it back to her. She hilariously tried to repeat it, to which i just let her and basked in my success. I knew she had no idea what it meant which made it even better!

So you are torturing the elderly; well done! Anything else you wanna throw into the mix?

Fucktard is still studying. He said some hilarious things but nothing that can top last week so it’s pointless writing it in here. I have, however, been teaching a young girl who i would like to name.. you guessed it, Fucktard Jr. Fucktard Jr is studying maths with me and doesn’t quite understand the concept of common sense, or the ability to independently think by herself. She just stares at me and repeats “I don’t get it” until i give up trying to lead her to the answer and just tell her what it is. Here we go…..

Me: OK, this question says: Susan is 9th in line, Brian is directly in front of her. How many people are standing in front of Brian?

Fucktard Jr: I don’t get it (i’m starting to think this clan are like pokemon…..)

Me: OK, then lets break it down. Susan is 9th (I write down 1 to 9) and Brian is right in front of her (I draw a circle around 8). So how many people do you think are in front of Brian (pointing at the 8)?

Fucktard Jr: I don’t get it

Me: Have a guess

Fucktard Jr: 9th

Me: No it’s not a position, it has to be an actual number…

Fucktard Jr: Errr……

Me: OK, How many numbers do you see?

Fucktard Jr: 9

Me: Sorry, how many numbers are in front of 8?

Fucktard Jr: <Smiles>

Me: OK, count it with me <I point to the numbers 1 by 1…>

Fucktard Jr: 1..2..3..4..5..6..7

Me: So how many people are in front of Brian?

Fucktard Jr: 1

Me: Just write 7 in that box…..

So.. What was the answer?

Don’t push it. They’re not all bad though, I have a group class that i’m teaching that is a lot of fun, sadly for me they are going to finish soon which leaves me with Einstein’s descendants. On the positive side book sales are going well! Much better than i thought i would do actually! So i’m very happy with that. If this continues i can travel the world and write at the same time. I think that’s pretty much it! i’ll see you next week with more stories about nothing….

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One thought on “The book’s out, now I’ve got to market it…..

  1. Pingback: 100 posts! | sirlewisofclarke

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