See? I kept my word…..

Indeed you did. So, whats crackalacking?

A lot has been crackalacking if i’m honest with you. I’ve been teaching and writing a lot, but I’ve mainly been watching Breaking Bad and winning the Serie C2A title with San Marino on Football Manager waiting for my internet to turn back on so i can pick up where i left off.

OK, a lot of words that actually mean nothing without actions… How’s the teaching? Any idiots you can update me on?

Actually no, all my students in the last few weeks have been pretty smart. You can always tell whether a student is smart and just hasn’t been exposed to English or whether they are – to put it politely – a fucking idiot. But even my lower level classes are obviously smart. Sometimes i ask them stupid questions expecting them to stare at me blankly and they answer them immediately, and look at me as if to say “Why are you asking me that? Do you think i’m stupid or something?” and i think “Great, you have a brain. Let’s do this schizzle!”

So you don’t have any funny stories then?

Not about what the students have said. There was one time (American Pie reference for anyone over the age of 25..) when i was trying to explain how to end a speech when they have to talk uninterrupted for 2 minutes because learning grammar rules for 20 years doesn’t prepare you how to end a speech. Normally they look at me as if to say “……DA NAAH!!!!” So i went to tell them they had to recommend it (i.e. If the speech is about their favourite restaurant; “…And if you haven’t been there before i would recommend trying the seafood risotto, it’s superb” Or something along those lines) but instead i decided to play hangman with them and wrote

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _    _ _    _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ !

On the board. They looked really confused, even when they got this far:

R E C O _ _ E N D    I T    _ O T _ E R F U _ _ E R !

Until eventually one of the more upper class students muttered quietly but loud enough for me to hear; “Recommend, motherfucker!” 

I laughed, the students laughed, and i think we all evolved that little bit more as human beings. So well done us!

There was also an IELTS lesson where i had written a word on the board and asked the students if they knew what that word meant. Whilst waiting for them to answer i drew a stick man on the board leaning it a 45 degree angle. Then i jumped up and shouted “RKO!!!!!” While pretending to give the stick man an RKO. The students had no idea what the reference was, but i enjoying it so it was worth it. Sometimes i do the Daniel Bryan “YES!!!” and “NO!!!” chants randomly in the class mainly for my own amusement….

That means teaching’s treating you well if you are enjoying it. How’s the book coming along? The….comedy story is it?

That’s the one. I recently wrote out the whole plot as to how it is going to go. The beginning, middle and end. Normally i let the story run away with itself and almost let the book write itself in a way. But i started planning for the next few scenes and all these ideas kept popping into my head. After 15 minutes i had 2 A4 pages full of information saying where i’m taking the story, plot twists, etc… Like i said before i’m around 20 thousand words in. So it’s going well. The protagonist has taken a surprising turn though, (even for me, because i had no intention of making him that way) He’s become a bit of a scary nutter who isn’t afraid to kick the shit out of someone. I wanted to make him emotionally weak to connect with this alcohol issues but the story has led me this way and it seems right, so i’m just going to keep writing….

God, you just won’t shut the fuck up will you? Are you done?

Pretty much. Tomorrow i’ll tell you what I’ve been up to outside of work and writing. bye zee bye!

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